Splatter University (1984)

Though it can be considered a slasher, Splatter U doesn’t follow most “rules” of a slasher. For that it is admirable. Unfortunately its innocence is the movie’s downfall, as it swivels between genuine horror and a spoof. The identity crisis is further shown by the misleading VHS cover, as there are certainly no cheerleaders.

Perhaps the most ironic broken rule is that several meat-head male characters are never threatened. Oh and they are assholes, (poorly) acting rude, obnoxious, selfish and sexist. The worst is that these people are at a UNIVERSITY yet they don’t carry any books, they skip class, cheat on papers and tests and drink a lot of beer. Sometimes it’s amusing but there’s too much. The movie is 80 minutes, for christ’s sake!

As far as the “splatter” goes, it’s tame. A knife goes in and watery blood spills. No intestines or anything. In fact the only thing that doesn’t have a low standard is the lead female. Lucky for Splatter, it was released early enough in the 80s to at least be considered classic camp. [rating: $5]

Deadline (1984)

A wealthy, phony douchebag who ignores the needs of his wife and three kids is under pressure to write his next controversial macabre horror screenplay. Deadline is essentially a drama at its core, while unconnected grisly deaths representing the writer’s ideas for that next script are interspersed. These scenes include two young children setting their grandma on fire, a cult of nuns who disembowel a man and a godawful gothic-glam-punk rock band performing while three homeless alcoholics have seizures. Yes you read correctly, and this is priceless. Eventually the writer realizes that his own life turned into a better story than anything else but by then one of his children have already succumbed to his neglect. A so-so warning to be more damn responsible. [rating: $5] –Kenyon