Automaton Transfusion (2006)

Holy crap look at that image on the DVD cover, looks pretty intense right? Well sadly this mess has zero substance, ripping off every other film about a quickly spreading infection. The most cliche “witty” comments are done better in any other “zombie” movie. Why oh why. Okay i’ll tell you why. An infected guy randomly jabs his hand into a girl’s abdomen, pulls out a fetus and the girl exclaims, “my baby!” Otherwise an amateur bore. [rating: $1] –Kenyon

Troll 2 (1990)

Troll 2 (1990) Much has been said about this poorly acted, poorly written non-sequel. Happily, there’s just never enough to say because there are so many standout moments. From the goofy troll heads that look nothing like the creatures at the left to whenever grandpa Seth’s apparition appears, Troll 2 is a curiosity from start to finish. As a result, this genuinely naive effort earns its recognition as one of the best worst movies in history.

What would have drastically improved Troll 2 is if the creatures–who live in the town of Nilbog which is Goblin backwards–were shown transforming from human and back again. Half the time they are shown as human but usually when doing their “bidding” or eating they are trolls or goblins or whatever. At least Troll 2 could afford to include a girl melting into green goo which is then eaten by the…troblins? golls? See, they make the humans eat green hamburgers or funky cakes with green frosting. This changes the victim into a green vegetable mass which the trobs can now eat. This is because the environmentally conscious troblins are VEGETARIANS. [rating: $9] –Kenyon

The Car (1977)

The Car (1977) “The car, he’s in here!” HE! i love you car. You are so smart you were able to get inside that guy’s garage. You are so much a better actor than those losers. Yes, Ronny “the ground was hallowed” Cox and James Brolin, who plays cat and mouse with a car from the depths of hell, while allowing his dumb girlfriend to get mauled by the car. Check out those sweet maneuvers by the car. Good job, car. [rating: $5]-Kenyon