Evil Bong 2: King Bong (2009)

Far below the rank of Pineapple Express is Half-baked. Well below Half-baked is this sorry excuse for a stoner comedy, Evil Bong 2. More like evil DUNG. Considering the very limited backdrops, the stereotypical job on the blaxpoitation for talking bongs and a juvenile screenplay that could have been consolidated to a 25-minute sitcom, the Z-grade Evil Bong 2: King Bong is a big bunghole. Don’t even bother. [rating: 50 cents] –Kenyon

The Tunnel (2011, Australia)

There’s found footage. And then there’s found footage brought to attention by the people in it who then use half the movie to comment about the footage. This flopped in the Fourth Kind and Lake Mungo. Unfortuntely, the Tunnel suffers from the same common mishap: melodramatic commentary up the ying-yang. Let the footage speak for itself. We don’t need an actor to explain everything, ad naseum So many fails with the Tunnel.

If the people in the “found footage” are commenting after it was recorded, then there’s no suspense because we already know they are alive and well. Which is strange, considering that a mysterious humanoid underground dweller easily spilled the blood of their companions. Speaking of that, the “reporter,” who so urgently needed to investigate the underground tunnels of Australia, should be held responsible for those deaths. Not that it’s even believable that they died. The Tunnel lacks authenticity, something most evident when the doomed crew’s camera lens has cracks yet the cracks do not move in unison with the camera movement. [rating: $0]

They [aka Invasion from Inner Earth] (1974)

They [aka Invasion from Inner Earth] (1974) The cheapest of cheap effects (smoke bombs), non-existent action and excessive talking from the main characters is what this abomination of film making relies on. Providing little to no sense at all, They makes Plan 9 from Outer Space look like the original Day the Earth Stood Still. For most of the 90 minutes, five people sit around in a secluded cabin, speculating about the chaos in the world supposedly caused by aliens who are never even shown! It’s assumed it is the aliens randomly communicating over ham radio in robotic voices, saying things like, “how many are you”? Adding to the beyond amateur low budget is the method of making people disappear. Mmmbop they are there, mmmbop they’re gone! Why that even happens isn’t explained. As if things weren’t confusing enough, this “movie” has been under at least three different titles with various cover arts that are all misleading. The cover of my copy has only the face of a reptilian-like creature with fangs. [rating: $0] –Kenyon